A Goodbye before the summer?
by Spoiler94
Summary: Dealing with the turmoil of emotions after Knockdown, Setup, and Countdown
1. Chapter 1

She tucked in her shirt, wondering once again if she should change. But Kate had picked it for her birthday, so surely it looked professional. She slid on her black boots, just enough heel to look good but still very comfortable. She'd be on her feet a lot this summer and she remembered how her legs had ached after wearing too much heel at prom – so the more conservative boot won out. One more look in the mirror and she was set. She wanted to make a good impression before her summer internship interview.

As she entered the building, the chaos surrounded her. He'd asked her if wanted him to come in with her, introduce her to those she didn't know yet. But she knew that if he did, the she'd be Castle's daughter all summer, and not Alexis Rogers. If she was going to be taken seriously, she would have to make it on her own. She took a deep breath and headed to the elevator. When it opened, Kate was standing there. It was good to see a familiar face. "Hey – you're early! I was just heading out to get some coffee – want to join me? We'll be back in time." Alexis jumped at the chance. She still had almost an hour before reporting to Captain Montgomery for her interview, and she'd hoped for the chance to talk to Kate, to pick her brain about what happened that weekend that made her dad retreat to the Hamptons and throw himself into writing, if he was writing at all.

They sat down at the coffee shop across the street. Kate hadn't spoken to Castle in almost two weeks and was aching to know how he was, but wouldn't dare ask Alexis. She didn't want to put her in the middle of such a sticky situation. Things with Castle had become even more complicated, and Kate had some decisions to make. Even though Josh was out of the picture, she wasn't sure that Castle was really in it for the long haul. She'd told him that she needed some time to process everything, expecting him to give her a couple of days before bouncing back into the station. That was eleven days ago, and he still hadn't so much as called.

Kate asked how school was going, and they shared some girl talk about prom and upcoming college visits. Alexis showed off her pictures from a recent date, with her and Ashley both smiling ear to ear. Kate listened intently to all of the details, and then there was a picture of Castle, Alexis, and Martha. His eyes seemed distant, and Kate gazed longer at the phone screen. What was wrong? Had he been hurt that badly by her response? Did he still not know?

* * *

_Two weeks before…_

Laney knew that something was wrong when her phone rang at one in the morning. Unless there was a murder, or Javier feeling lonely, her phone never rang that late at night. She hurried over to the apartment and Kate answered the door in her pajamas, but with her hair still done up and her eyes black from runny mascara. She'd wiped away the tears but not the remains from her evening.

Josh had asked her to dinner and told her that there was something that he wanted to talk to her about. Since his cancelled trip to Haiti, he had spent every minute away from the hospital devoted to her, trying to prove his faith in their relationship, as much to himself as to her. It had been six weeks since he returned from Africa, and she was feeling hopeful that things were becoming more serious with them. She was distracted that entire day, eagerly awaiting their night out together like a school girl. She'd changed her mind about what to wear almost a dozen times. When she heard a knock at her door she excitedly ran to answer it, but was surprised to see someone different. "Castle, what are you doing here?"

She looks stunning, he thought, obviously not preparing for a night at home. He'd noticed her distraction all day but hadn't asked. He couldn't bear to hear about the gory details about Dr. Motorcycle Boy and his latest heroics. Seeing her grins when she received a text tore at his heart, and this wasn't something that the brilliant surgeon could fix. He took a deep breath before saying "I'm changing the characters around in the book a bit. I'm killing off Rook."

Kate was stunned. "Why would you do that? Isn't that the point of the books – for these two to banter back and forth, to bicker in front of everyone before coming home to each other?" Castle replied sadly, "Not when Rook is in love with her, but can't stand to be around anymore while she's in love with someone else. He'll go out like a hero, don't worry, and Nikki will continue on. I'll still write about her, just without the plucky sidekick."

Kate stood there for a moment, speechless. Castle looked at her with hopeful eyes, and just a hint of that adorable grin. The tears were forming in her eyes when she heard the elevator doors open, then Castle said "Have a wonderful time tonight" and kissed her on the cheek before Josh could walk around the corner to see him, and Castle slipped off the other way.

Josh knew something was different. Kate was more distracted than usual that night. When he walked up to her apartment and saw her standing there, she took his breath away. She was absolutely beautiful, but there was something distant to her that night. He leaned in to kiss her, but she turned away, shielding the cheek that Castle had just kissed as if to hide the marks from him. She asked if they could stay in instead of going out, which she'd wanted to do a lot lately. No more fancy dinners or dancing. She didn't even mention anymore how she couldn't wait until spring so they could go riding again. Since he'd missed the Haiti trip, DWOB had not contacted him for another mission but he thought that maybe he should bring it up with her, that some time apart could be good for them, bring back some 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' feelings. But he also knew that it would leave her alone with Castle again, and he didn't think that was such a good idea.

He'd never asked her what happened that night in the freezer. Finding them together, appearing to be holding each other was one thing – that was obviously to try to conserve body heat – but her reactions when she woke up said something completely different. As her body warmed, she'd called out for Castle. "Castle, don't go. I love you. Please Rick." He was holding her hand while the paramedics worked to raise her body temp, but when she regained consciousness she had no recollection of what had happened in the moments before. She smiled when she saw him and they shared some tender moments before he said that he was going to check on Castle while his friends took care of her. He wiped the tear from his eye before entering the other ambulance, glad that no one else was there to witness his girlfriend calling out for someone else.

He ordered in pizza and turned on the TV while Kate changed out of her dress and into her comfortable yoga pants and a slouchy shirt. She didn't realize until she sat down on the couch that it was Castle's shirt that she'd swiped while staying at his place after the explosion in her apartment. It was her new comfort. She'd slept in it during the summer when she thought about him in the Hamptons with Gina, and often since those terrible days dealing with the bomb. It still smelled faintly of him, but it had taken on a new scent – blending with hers. Josh must have noticed too because he gave her a second glance, but didn't say anything.

He asked what was bothering her, but she couldn't talk about it. Her standard response lately. He couldn't figure her out – he'd tried to get her to open up to him about anything. He'd asked about why she decided to become a cop, and she said only 'to help a family through the most terrible event of their lives.' He asked about her parents and she'd told him that her mom had died. He'd never met her father, but wondered if they were estranged by Kate always wearing his watch.

She'd sat silently on the couch all night, distantly at the other end. He'd tried to rub her feet as he'd done so many times before after she'd had a rough day, but she pulled away. After the pizza arrived, he grabbed two beers from the fridge but she'd declined. They ate in silence until her phone rang. He knew it was from the station – who else would call this late? But instead it was Ryan – he said they were going to get some drinks near her apartment and wanted to see if she'd like to join them. Even though it was late, she needed something to break the tension in the room. "Sure – we'd just finished eating. We'll meet you in a few." They decided on a location and she hung up.

"That was Ryan – they want us to meet them for drinks. Let me go change and we'll head out." His reply caught her off guard. "You go ahead. I think I'll sit this one out. I have to be on duty early in the morning," he told her.

She was a bit annoyed. "I thought you wanted to go out tonight – said that I needed to get some life back into me. I'm really trying here."

He looked back at her a bit befuddled. "Kate, you don't have to pretend with me. You shouldn't have to try. If you don't feel like going out, we won't go out. If you do, we will. I just don't want to sit around all night listening to Ryan talk about," and then he stopped himself.

"Listening to Ryan talk about what?" Kate asked.

"Listening to Ryan talk about Castle. He idolizes that man. I can't hold a candle to him. He's with you every day working cases. You call each other at all hours of the night when something magically clicks in your brains about a case." He spoke calmly, but his words expressed what his tone did not.

"Kate, I love you but I can't hold a candle to this guy. I keep trying to do everything I can to impress you - going halfway around the world to save lives – but it's still not enough. I don't know what happened before I got here tonight, but obviously I wasn't your first choice of company."

For the second time that night, Kate was speechless. Before words could reach her lips, Josh said them for her. "I think we need some time to gain some focus. I'm going to take a couple of weeks and work on a mission. I'll call you when I get back." All of a sudden, things were clear to her. Before her brain could react, her heart did. "Don't – you need to save the world. You can't save me."

His eyes looked offended by her remark, but he knew that it was not meant as sarcasm. Whatever demons she was hiding, he discovered that he was not the one who could make them go away. Though he may be a knight in shining armor, he was no good at slaying dragons. He nodded his head and grabbed his coat. "If you change your mind, please call me."

She stood silently as he walked away, and when she heard the door open, she turned and said "Goodbye Josh." He smiled at her, and shut the door as he left.

She sent Ryan a text that she wouldn't be able to make it after all and that she'd see him tomorrow. Then she dialed Castle's number, but hung up after only one ring. What was she thinking? She'd just broken up with her boyfriend – she didn't need the reason for it to come over and complicate things more. Her phone rang – with Ryan and Jenny's picture popping up. She looked at it for a moment. They were so lucky – look at the two of them. Their goofy faces, so much in love. Their wedding was only a couple of months away and they were still giddy with excitement. She answered the phone and said yes, everything was fine it was just later than she'd realized and she had a lot to do the next day.

As soon as she hung up, it rang again. This time Castle's picture appeared. Tears came to her eyes. She couldn't answer it – she couldn't pull herself together long enough to have a conversation with him right now. But she also couldn't bring herself to hit the ignore button. She took a deep breath and answered with a reluctant "Sorry Castle, I dialed the wrong number."

Castle knew something was wrong from the tone of her voice, but when he asked she denied it. He didn't know why, but he knew it was something big for her to be so unglued. The resilient Kate Beckett, toughness personified, was trying to hide the tears in her voice. After sitting silent for a moment, he stopped being Rick Castle, and switched over to Richard Rodgers. "Kate, I know something is wrong and like it or not, I'm still your partner. I'm coming over." He hung up the phone before she could stop him, and she knew he was on his way. She tried to call him back to tell him not to, but he didn't answer, denying her the chance to protest.

Within minutes, there was a knock at her door. It couldn't be him yet – there was no way he'd had time to make it there already. She wiped her eyes and answered the door. Castle was standing there with Ryan. She shut the door quickly, long enough to pull herself together and get the shocked look off her face, then opened it again. This time Ryan was gone – she heard the elevator doors closing as she looked down the hall for him.

They stood there looking at each other for a moment. Both were afraid to cross the door's threshold. Castle could see the shock and confusion in her eyes, and the pain. Beckett looked at Castle with a questioning gaze, seeing something different in him now. She no longer saw an immature playboy. The persona of Rick Castle was no longer in his eyes. Now he was just Rick, wearing jeans and a faded Van Halen shirt. He saw immediately that she was wearing one of his shirts – he could see the stain from the chocolate sauce from a late night sundae talk with Alexis. "Nice shirt – I have one just like it."

Kate blushed, and then protested. "What were you doing with Ryan? Did he leave Jenny alone downstairs?"

"Jenny wasn't with him. I went back by the station to get my notebook and he was there and we went out for a drink. Can I come in long enough to explain? I just want to make sure you're alright."

Kate knew that Ryan had set her up. "When he said 'we' when he called, I assumed he meant Jenny. Didn't realize that you'd taken your Bromance to the next level. I'm happy for you both."

She stepped aside, looking down at the floor to avoid eye contact. She didn't want him to see her like this, and didn't want this to turn into something they'd both regret. She wiped her eyes on the collar of her shirt, which brought about a cocky "you know I'm sending you the dry cleaning bill if I ever get my shirt back" which didn't bring the grin he was hoping for.

She sat down silent on the couch waiting for him to join her, but instead he stood at a distance away. He knew if he sat close to her, alone together in her apartment, there was a chance that he would kiss her again. Her sweet smell still lingered with him from his earlier brush with her, and he knew that if he was that close he couldn't resist again.

"I told Ryan that I'd decided to kill off Rook and he went ballistic on me. You know I'd pictured him more of a sniper type killer than having a temper, but WOW he got hot. He always stays so calm." He noticed her quiet but annoyed stare and got back on the subject. "Anyway, he said that he understood why. Said if he were in my shoes, he couldn't watch you with Doctor Honda either." Her eyes narrowed, and Castle said "hey – he said it, not me. He asked me why I didn't tell just you."

Kate looked at him, trying not to show her hopefulness. "Tell me what?" She'd just broken up with her boyfriend, and here she sat hoping for some kind of heartfelt confession. She wasn't sure how to respond if he did, but she didn't think that he would say it.

"Tell you how I felt about you. Kate, for months now I've seen things so differently. I've seen your strength, your resilience, your fire. I'm more and more in awe of you every day. You are brilliant, sexy, have more guts than anyone else I've met. At the same time, you have the most kind and caring soul I've ever witnessed. You see people on their worst day and reassure them that things are going to be okay. You comfort them with the only thing that matters to them at the moment. You are absolutely extraordinary."

"Say it Castle." His poetic flourishes made her swoon, but if she was going to take a leap, she at least needed to know that he'd thrown a rope out for her.

"Say what?"

"Say it Castle. Tell me what you're really feeling."

He took a deep breath and grinned. "Kate Beckett, I love you."

Kate stood up and walked over to him. "Now close your eyes." He did as ordered. She stood next to him for a moment taking in his scent. She inched closer to him until their bodies were nearly touching. He felt her presence, and the faint hint of cherries still in her hair excited him. She put her hand behind his head and slowly pulled him closer to her. Just before their lips touched she whispered "Castle, promise me something."

"Anything."

"Promise me that you'll never write about what I'm about to do." He opened his eyes and saw the grin on her face, camouflaging the hurt and confusion she was feeling. He smiled at her, and gently brought her hands together and kissed them. "Kate, you have no idea how badly I want to know what it is that you were about to do, but I am not going to take advantage of your confusion tonight. I respect you far too much for that."

Kate was already too invested in her thoughts to let that stop her. She put his hands around her and pulled him into a passionate kiss. She needed to feel him again, to see if the undercover kiss in the alley could be outdone by one that was intentional. As they held each other close and their mouths met over and over, Kate finally let herself go. She gave into her feelings that she'd held onto for so many years, idolizing this man first for his writing that saved her from insanity after her mother's death, then for the amazing friend and partner he had become. He'd told her that he would be there for her always. But had he said 'Always' to Meredith? What about Gina? She felt her fears creeping up again.

Castle sensed her tensing up, and stopped her. "Kate, I'm sorry." She didn't see his devastated look. He was afraid he'd pushed things too far and that now she would be gone from him forever.

Kate realized that she was shaking. So many things had happened in the past few weeks. Between Raglan's murder and the developments in her mother's case, to the bomb scare and nearly dying twice in just a few hours, she was emotionally spent. "I can't Rick. I just can't."

"I know, and it's ok." Castle held her head in his hands, and kissed her forehead. "But I'm not leaving you alone."

He picked up Kate's phone and dialed Laney's number. He asked if she could come over to Kate's apartment, and bring some ice cream – preferably Ben & Jerry's.

He sat on the couch with Kate until Laney arrived, then saw himself out.

* * *

Laney was wide eyed and in total shock. "What the HELL have I missed?"

Kate barely tried to keep it together. She explained the happenings of the night, how Castle's plan to kill off Rook shook her so bad that she changed her plans with Josh. How Ryan called and wanted them to meet for drinks.

Laney interrupted. "Don't you think it would have been a bit weird if you'd went down there and Castle was there instead of Jenny? Mr. Moped would have blown a gasket!"

Kate's tears turned to laughter. "Well, he's always thought Castle was a bit Metro. And why is it that every one of you has some kind of name for him? With you it's Mr. Moped, Ryan calls him Dr. Honda. Castle calls him Motorcycle Boy." Laney burst out laughing, and Kate took the first steps towards healing her heart.

As their spoons cleaned out the last of the Chunky Monkey, their talk became serious.

"So he's finally confessed to loving you. Now what are you going to do about it."

Kate reflected for a moment. "After the way I sent him away, he probably doesn't want to hear from me."

Laney raised her head. "Are you kidding me? You went through all of this, and you're just going to let him go? This man LOVES you. He has risked his life for you too many times to count. He's wrote two novels for you. How can you think that?"

"Because Laney, I told him that I couldn't do this. I turned him away. I didn't even tell him about me and Josh breaking up."

"Well, you're both stupid. You're throwing away the chance of a lifetime. This love stuff doesn't come along every day, especially with a man like Rick Castle."

Beckett knew that her friend was right. She knew that she needed to fix the situation, but wasn't sure how. They fell asleep on the couch with I Love Lucy playing in the background.

* * *

The next morning, Beckett knocked on Castle's door, with coffee in hand. Alexis answered with a confused look. "Dad's not here. He left last night, and left Gram and me a note that he was going away for a few days to do some writing."

Kate was quiet. "Oh – well I needed to talk to you anyway. Captain Montgomery has reviewed your proposal for being a summer assistant and wants to talk to you about it more. He'll be calling you this week to set up an interview."

Kate's disappointment was missed by Alexis, who was full of questions about the station, and what she'd be doing. Martha entered and joined in their chat, not knowing how distant Kate was feeling. What was she thinking, pulling away from him like that? She'd wanted him for so long, and in the moment she just couldn't take that leap. Not until she'd processed everything.

"You have to see my dress – it's so beautiful. I'll be right back!" With that, Alexis jumped off the couch and ran upstairs.

Martha looked over at Beckett and saw the confusion on her face. "Kiddo, I'm not sure what happened last night, but you look like hell. Are you okay?"

Beckett saw Martha's knowing glance, and knew that she couldn't play it off. "Josh and I broke up last night." It was weird talking to Castle's mother about her ex-boyfriend but Martha had a keen wit, and from her look she had already figured as much. "So then why is Richard in the Hamptons instead of with you?"

Her shocked look at Martha spoke volumes. "Oh I know dear, but when he said some things had happened and he needed to get away I thought that maybe you two had come to your senses finally."

"You knew that he cared about me? How long have you known?" Kate wondered with amazement, the butterflies becoming giddy in her stomach. Was she really having this conversation with his MOTHER?

"Darling, I've known since before he did. The way he always talked about you, his eyes lit up and he got the same grin that he had as a child when he'd discovered a new magic trick. I've never seen him this giddy, or devoted, to anyone before. I'm quite amazed that he never told you – usually he's very up front when he goes after someone. Always bringing them something."

Kate grinned. "Yes – coffee every morning. But I always thought it was just because he'd stopped to get some for himself."

Martha looked oddly at her. "Kate, he hated coffee before you. Now he drinks it all the time – it's replaced his morning bloody Mary. I always thought that it was so he wouldn't be arrested for walking into a police station intoxicated." They both laughed at the thought, both seeing in their minds how it could play out.

"You know, he even bought an espresso machine for the station. I guess there's one more thing that I need to ask you. How long was he going to be gone?"

"He didn't say, but we're going back up there on Thursday evening. I left some earrings that Alexis needs for her prom dress. I'll give you an update, unless he calls you before and you can save me a trip."

"I don't think that's going to happen. He didn't exactly leave on the best of terms last night. He didn't even know that Josh and I had broken up."

Martha looked at her knowingly. "Well then maybe I will just have to mention it to him myself."

Alexis stood at the top of the top of the stairs in her dress. It was much different than her last dress. It was long and straight, and a beautiful shade of chocolate with baby blue accents. As Kate turned around, she beamed with joy. "It's beautiful!" They admired her for a few minutes and chatted about how Alexis would do her hair, then Beckett's phone rang. It was the station, and she had to go.

Martha called out as she left. "Kate, if you talk to Richard…" But Kate stopped her. "If he's in the Hampton's, I might have this one solved before he gets back. Better to let him write, it will keep Paula off his back."

* * *

True to form, Kate had the case solved within a couple of days. And then another. And then another. A week had passed and she still hadn't heard from Castle. When Montgomery told her that he would be interviewing Alexis the next morning, she decided to come in early to catch her beforehand.

"Kate, can I ask you something? And if it's none of my business, just say so because I don't want to intrude." Kate smiled. "Of course – ask away." Alexis turned her head a bit. "Did you and my Dad have a fight? I know he can be obnoxious and annoying but did he do something really stupid and get kicked out of the precinct?" Kate laughed, wondering how many times Alexis had given a similar line to teachers to explain the conundrum that was her father.

"No he didn't, amazingly, you said yourself that he went upstate to write."

"Yes but when he came back he said that he couldn't go back to the station anymore. He wanted to come in this morning with me but I said that I wanted to do this on my own. Since you hadn't called him for any cases, he thought that he shouldn't be there anymore. He said he was heading back for a while and to call him when I finished and let him know how things went."

Kate sat for a moment and felt lost. He'd come home without calling her, and she hadn't called him because she thought he was still gone. Alexis spoke up. "I need to get back – I want to be impressively early for my interview." Kate wished her luck, and walked her back upstairs. "Wait here for just a moment, and I'll tell the Captain that you're here."

Kate knocked on Montgomery's door frame before entering and shutting the door behind her. Alexis could see them talking and Kate grinning. She's beautiful, Alexis thought, no wonder my dad is head over heels for her. They both stood up and walked out of the office, and Captain Montgomery called Alexis in to discuss her ideas for the summer. They could use some clerical manpower since the latest round of budget cuts, and if she was half as smart as her old man, she could prove a perfect fit.

"I'm going to head out for a few days. Don't mention it when you call your dad in a bit. Okay?" Alexis grinned and nodded. Kate told her good luck, and hurried home to get packed.

* * *

Castle had been working non-stop for days. He had finished the third book and was working on the fourth. He was trying to sketch out the full layout from end to beginning, but he was blocked again. He couldn't take his mind off of Kate. Her devastation and confusion that night. How he'd hoped to finally tell her how he felt. He'd never been able to say the words to her, hoping that he'd proved it in his glances and deeds. But he couldn't help but feeling that if he'd done more, maybe he wouldn't be sitting there miserable. Maybe he would be with her, working another case. Or even better, with her NOT working on a case.

He could still feel her pulling him close, taste her mouth. He could still smell the scent of cherries from her hair. He wished he hadn't pulled back from her that night, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He would not be responsible for any moment of regret with her, even if it could have been the best night of his life.

He tried to refocus on the computer, and the story that needed to be told. Rook would be shot in the line of duty, and Nikki would meet a handsome heart surgeon named Jack. That could tie things up nicely. Negotiations were still continuing for two more Nikki Heat chapters, but this would be a fitting end to the series. Perhaps he would find another subject to fascinate him. Impossible he thought. He could never be as devoted to another character as he was to Nikki. Or to Kate. He put his computer down and walked outside to the back lawn. The breeze was pulling in a spring storm. He always loved the smell of the air right before – it pulled all the fragrances of the air together, the trees, and the blooming flowers. But this time he caught a whiff of something different. There were no cherry trees nearby. He turned around and saw her standing there.

She wasn't wearing her usual dress pants and heels. No – this time she wasn't Beckett. She was Kate. Wearing a soft purple sun dress and sandals, she looked as if she'd fit right in with the other society ladies of the Hamptons, except underneath it all would be the hard determination of a cop.

"Are you stalking me detective?"

She couldn't tell if he was happy to see her, but he was certainly surprised. Just as she'd hoped he would be. He'd never seen her in such carefree clothing. Her hair was pulled back in a braid, just like in her ice skating pictures, and she carried a picnic basket in one hand, and a bottle of wine in the other. "Yes Mr. Castle, I believe I may be."

She hadn't been inside the house yet, but the outside was stunning. And very, very large. And secluded. With a natural tree line and privacy fences down low, she was certain that whatever happened here was unknown to the neighbors.

He walked over to her. "So are there case files in there?" He asked her, hoping that the reply would be no. He grinned at her response.

"No – just a blanket and some strawberries, a little whipped cream. I thought you might be hungry." His mind was racing with possibilities at the moment, but he stopped himself. "Kate, what's going on with Doctor Motorcycle Boy?"

"He's gone again. He'll be back in town soon, but we're through. I ended it with him that night that you came over."

That was all that he needed to hear. His eyes narrowed and he took her face in his hands and kissed her. Gently at first but once they had started neither could resist unleashing the floods of passion that they had held back for so long. They collapsed to the ground, running their hands up and down the other's body as if to explore every detail.

"Will anyone else be joining us at the house?" Kate couldn't wait to see what lie ahead for them, but also wanted to make sure that she was prepared for visitors. "No one until Saturday." They grinned at each other, knowing what the next six days had in store.

Kate opened the basket and spread the blanket out on the ground. They enjoyed each other and the warm sunshine for hours, and didn't even notice the rumbles of thunder until showers of rain poured down on them. They quickly ran inside and immediately Kate was awestruck. His apartment in the city was very modern and clean cut, but his house in the Hamptons was much more homely, comforting. The way she would decorate herself. In fact, he had the same couch as she had picked out just months before for her own apartment. This home was not decorated for an immature playboy.

"Wow Castle, this is quite different from your place" Kate commented as she looked around. Her comment caught him off guard, but pleased him.

"This is more my style. Not as edgy, a little more relaxing. What do you think?"

"I guess it will do" Kate replied with a grin. "Of course, I will need to inspect each of the rooms thoroughly before I can be completely sure."

"Wow – that's a lot of rooms for us to, um, inspect. It might take a while." Rick's naughty comment sent many scenarios through her head. But as usual, Kate always had a comeback.

"Good, cause I have all week. Let's start with the master bedroom."


	2. Chapter 2

Kate awoke to a salty breeze blowing in through an open window. The moonlight was shining in on the makeshift bed that at any other time would be called a pool table. She wrapped herself in the sheet that had made the tour of the house with her, and decided to take a private tour and search out her missing host.

The house was silent. She looked through the bedrooms where they had been, the study, and finally found him in the kitchen. She snuck up behind him quietly. "So did you work up an appetite Mr. Bestseller?" Her voice startled him, causing him to drop the carton of eggs he was getting out of the fridge. She giggled as he scrambled to catch them before they hit the ground.

She moved around the kitchen closer to where he was standing. While she was a bit more modest in an unfamiliar home, he had left the sheet with her and walked through the house full monty. During their afternoon activities, she'd been too caught up in the moment to fully admire the view. For a writer, his physique was quite impressive. Though he was no body builder, he was toned in all the right areas. Enough to melt a girl's heart. Or other regions.

He caught her staring and used the opportunity to call her out on it. "Why detective, you seem to be closely examining the evidence." He slowly stepped closer to her, hoping to snatch the sheet away so that he could do the same.

"Yes I am. Want to make sure that I know every detail, and leave no areas unexplored." She sidestepped his grab at the sheet and spun around to save the dignity that the sheet hid. Their game of cat and mouse soon led through the patio doors and onto the veranda. A little skinny dipping seemed like a nice beginning to round two. Kate jumped in the pool and swam to the center. "Care to join me?"

Rick smiled and dove in, staying underwater until he reached her. He kissed her knees, her thighs, her stomach, her breasts, all the way to her neck. He enjoyed every inch of the body that until that day was hidden to him behind the professional dress of a lady cop in a man's world. He still couldn't believe the last twelve hours. He'd went from heartache to heaven. Martha had told him that Beckett stopped by when she and Alexis were there, but if she knew about Beckett's breakup she sure didn't share. Now she was here with him, kissing him, loving him. He couldn't imagine letting her go again, having to go back to the city and having to share her with the world again.

They swam playfully in the pool, then moved to the grotto. Kate wondered how many stories these walls could tell. Not from Castle, but from the infamous parties that were held here. The grotto at the Playboy mansion might even blush at some of the celebrity pairings that had disappeared into these walls during one of Rick's gatherings. For now, they were it's only occupants. "Let me show you something special" he whispered. He guided her around a crevice that she hadn't even noticed, and they stepped out into a private room. "Stay right here" he whispered, kissing her on the shoulder. He stepped away from her in the darkness. She could hear only the echoes of the water lapping against the walls. She felt a robe slide across her shoulders as he guided her through the room. It was complete darkness, and there weren't even shadows to lend a clue to what she was about to experience.

"Do you trust me?" Castle whispered into her ear. Trust him? He'd saved her life countless times, proved to be the most devoted human being ever to walk the face of the earth, and proven that he was more than the shallow playboy that his image had suggested. "Completely" she answered. He laid her down on a feather filled chair, making her feel as if she were floating on a cloud. Slowly he began kissing her again, but not with the force and drive that their earlier encounters had. This was a gentle, loving embrace. He used his lips to feather her entire body, awakening a passion in Kate that she never knew existed. By the time that he'd worked his way back to her neck, Kate couldn't stand it any longer. She seized the opportunity to reverse the tables, and soon had Rick lying on the chair, and was again in total control of the situation.

Kate was lost in her emotions. Never had a man aroused her in so many ways. In all the years that she'd read his novels, Kate could not have dreamed that she would be here with him like this. She knew that if she surrendered to him that there would be no turning back. If he was her one and done, if she gave him her heart, that she would be lost again if anything came between them.

As she collapsed on top of him, both of them gasping for air, Castle put his arms around her and held her tightly. "Kate, I need you to hear me say this. I love you. You are the most extraordinary woman I have ever met. You are brilliant, beautiful, sexy as hell, and right now, tonight you are all mine. This is not Rick Castle talking. This is Rick Rodgers – the man. I truly love you with all that I am. I've been so reluctant to say this because I didn't feel worthy of you. But I can't let another day, another moment go by without you knowing exactly how deep my feelings are for you. I truly, truly love you."

Kate was awestruck. Rick Castle was a writer. He had a flourish with his words and charm unlike anyone she'd ever met. But this was not one of his usual bullshit lines. She knew that this was genuine. She wished that there was a bit of light so that she could see his face while he was saying these beautiful things to her, but perhaps the shy man that was Richard Rodgers needed the darkness to summon up the courage to say them out of a fear of rejection.

"Rick, I have idolized you from afar for so many years. Even before I met you I worshipped your writings. I've never told you this, but I started reading your books as a distraction from my mother's death. When I was trying to regain my grip on reality and work my way out of the rabbit hole, I used your books to help me deal with the pain, to escape it. When the opportunity to meet you arose with that case, I could barely hide my excitement. I knew going in that you'd be an arrogant, pompous ass, and you were." She could feel him shift and the grin come to his face again. "But there was also something about you – a wisdom, a soul. Something told me that there was more to you than just that partying playboy. There was a kindness about you hidden somewhere behind that false bravado that you displayed for the world. I was afraid to fall for you, that there was no way that a simple cop could be enough. Little by little, you opened doors and gave me glimpses into the real you, and I began to fall for you more and more. I kept trying to put up walls whenever I could to protect myself, because I was losing myself again, but this time it was to you."

"Last year, when you asked me to come here with you, I was terrified. I was hiding behind these other dates because I was falling for you and I knew it. I was afraid that I would still be just another conquest and I knew that I couldn't deal with that. Esposito said something to me that really made everything click. Other people had said it before but until that moment I either didn't see it or didn't want to see it. He told me that you had enough material to write a hundred Nikki Heat novels by then, so why did I really think that you kept coming back? That was the first moment that I gave in to the idea of a possibility. When you left that day with Gina, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest again. I felt like an idiot for even entertaining the possibility that something was there."

Castle felt the pangs of guilt ripple through him, and it tore at his gut like a hungry lion. "Kate I never meant to hurt you like that. I didn't.." Kate put her finger to his lips.

"Shh Shh – let me finish. All summer I threw myself into work – not only on the cases I was working, but on rebuilding my mother's case. I thought that if I could find something new, a new lead, a new piece of evidence, it would give me a reason to call you and ask for your help. But there was nothing new. Before I used your books to save me from the hurt of losing her. This time I used her case to save me from the hurt of losing you."

"Kate you'll never have to worry about that again. I'm honestly in this til the wheels fall of, for as long as you'll have me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Damn right you're not." She kissed him again and reignited the fire within him so quickly that he almost ached. She kissed his chest, his neck, and then bit into his earlobe, setting him on fire. "Hang on tight" and with that he scooped her up and took her across the dark room. "I have another surprise for you." He laid her down and she began laughing hysterically.

"Richard Castle, your secret hidden room has a waterbed? I didn't even know they made these anymore!" He stepped away from her to light candles around the room. "I haven't seen one of these things since high school!" Seeing her excitement warmed him more, and he hurried to rejoin her.

"So tell me detective, did you ever do THIS on a waterbed in high school?"


End file.
